Wicked Expectations

Now playing: "Centerfield" - John Fogerty

Whew. The starting pitching rotation for the Philadephia Phillies are Sports Illustrated's cover for the Baseball Preview.

The famous "SI Cover Jinx" is averted for Red Sox Nation......because it seems everyone else but the SI cover team is karmically gunning for the local 25 this year.

In that same preview issue, 45 out of 45 writers picked the Boston Red Sox to win the American League east.

43 of those 45 picked the Sox to win the American League Championship Series and represent the AL in the World Series.

33 of 45 picked the Sox to win the whole golden watermelon.

See, the Red Sox went out and spent like fashionable whores during the off-season, sending team payroll to an all-time high. They paid former Tampa Bay Rays CF Carl Crawford a wild 142 million dollars over 7 years, and will likely do the same for former San Diego Padres 1B Adrian Gonzalez once he and the team agree on an extension. General Manager Theo Epstein made several other moves during the off-season to address problems from last year. Those moves launched the Red Sox into never-before heard hype and expectations of a 100-year season. Mind you, the Red Sox haven't won 100 games since 1946. It ain't easy to do. Everyone, as noted by my sportswriter example above, sees the Red Sox as major contendahs.

It's the day before Opening Day for the Sox, the day before Sox pitcher Jon Lester (cancer survivor and pre-season AL Cy Young Winner) is to take the mound against the Texas Rangers with the weight and expectations of Red Sox Nation on his shoulders.

I am excited for baseball to start. I HATE that the Red Sox are favorites for anything.

I grew up in Minnesota but have followed the Red Sox ever since Sox Great Mike "The Gator" Greenwell walked into my father's bar one summer. I knew who he was vaguely. I grew up a tomboy my father often entertained his friends by having his 12-year old daughter spout out baseball trivia and statistics. That was the first time I'd ever seen a baseball player up close; well, besides the overweight dudes who played softball with my father. The next day, I demanded a Red Sox hat. I got one.

Although not well, I remember Bill Buckner's dexterity incident. With much more clarity, I remember 2003 and Aaron F#*&@g Boone. I'm not a lifelong Red Sox fan, and I've learned since moving here that the agony was passed down through generations. My girlfriend, a Sox diehard, mentioned one day that her two sons aged 14 and 11 now come to expect championships from their sports teams. Back in HER day though....you had to walk uphill to school in the snow....BOTH WAYS!

So I get the agony. I haven't internalized it as lifelong New England residents have, but I get it. I certainly get it enough to know that while I am excited for baseball season to start, I am downright petrified should the 2011 Red Sox start off slow via....

• Lester, the aformentioned Cy Young favorite who historically starts slow.
• Crawford, the big free agent signing who has never hit more than 20 HR's in a year.
• Gonzalez, the big slugger fresh off of shoulder surgery.
• John Lackey and Josh Beckett, starting pitchers who earned 17 & 14 million dollars last year (respectively) and pitched like complete crap.
• Jonathon Papelbon, the quirky (re: certifiably crazy) closer who walked a career high last year and has had... erm...."mechanics problems" in Spring Training.
• Jarrod Saltalamacchia, the new starting catcher who started his career off with promise but once struggled so badly with simple throws back to the mound after a pitch that he seemed destined to burn out in the minor leagues.

And so on. New England will spontaneously combust if this team struggles out of the gate.

Am I doing the whole "lipstick on a pig" thing to make myself feel better should this Red Sox team fail? Perhaps. Then again, it doesn't matter if I do it. The ownership at 4 Yawkey Way doesn't really ask for my opinion. Honestly, it's a good team, and they should play well.

*Should.*

I am making zero predictions, should I blame myself if it goes wrong.

I just wanna enjoy the season. That should be easy, yes?

Oh. I forgot. Jesus hates the Yankees and Derek Jeter drinks wine coolers.